I have seen the third Matrix movie. Strangely, I feel in no way compelled to write a treatise on it as I did for the second movie. I've been reading reviews of this movie, and I'll admit that I'm just shocked. It got panned, hardcore. I can't argue that it's better than the first movie, but I'll go on the record as saying it's a helluva lot better than the second. The average film critic disagreed, by a wide margin. I'll try to speculate as to why.

Personally, I had given up all hope that the Wachowskis could possibly revive the qualities of the first movie. The second one, with its ponderous, inexplicable dialogue and pointless, meaningless philosophizing (I'm saying this right now: if the mumbo-jumbo in that movie made sense to you, you are either experiencing a massive self-deception or taking some really killer hallucinogens. May I buy some from you?) was barely watchable, in my eyes. At least the first time. The second time, I knew when to zone out and when to close my ears. ("La, la, la! I can't hear you!") That time, I thought it was a fun, empty, popcorn-action flick. Hardly a legitimate follow-up to the first, but hey - that's what it was.

This time, I went in expecting empty, pointless, action movie fun. And in that, I think the Wachowskis delivered. This was a pretty exciting sci-fi action movie. There was much less talking (thank god) and the jibber-jabber was kept to a minimum. Yuen Wo Ping, the fight choreographer, has more claim to this movie's being any good than the Wachowskis do. The ending makes no sense (the whole movie makes no sense) but if you stop trying to make it make any sense, then it becomes enjoyable. You just need to have low expectations. That was my experience, anyway.

Remove yourself from desire, and you will achieve nirvana. How appropriate that I can use a Buddhist tenet for how to enjoy the movie.

"Mu."

  posted by Matthew @ 10:42 PM

 
Peggy and Lindsey...

Thank you.

[cue sappy-sounding, slow acoustic guitar soundtrack]

  posted by Matthew @ 2:09 AM

 
Okay, here's the longer post (i.e. rant) that I promised earlier. It's in response to - and was inspired by - my babes Peggy and Lindsey, who are too cool for words, really. (In case you don't know, they were the Evil Sailor Mars and Playboy Bunny in my Halloween photos, respectively) I'm not arguing with either of you in any way, I think you're both spot on. It just got me thinking... (Prepare to go further into my head than you've ever wanted to, I'm sure)

What's the deal with relationships? I do agree with you that people who are "incomplete" and unhappy without a significant other need to figure out how to deal with themselves first. My sister is one of those people. The whole summer I kept telling her to learn to be still but she hasn't listened to me yet. I predict that she won't be able to be happy in a relationship until she learns to be happy by herself. Of course, who am I to talk, with all my experience in that particular area? Ah, but that's for later on in the rant... I agree with all this. But the point, by which I mean the reason to want to be in a (air-quotes) "relationship" in the first place is that being with another person can make you happier than you are by yourself. (this is saying that you're already happy, but being with this other person only makes it better)

... right?

I think we, as a society, have moved past the point where the only reason to couple up at all is to pass on our genetic material and preserve our species. If that's not the point, then isn't it because we like to do it, because it makes us feel better? I am not asking this question from an arrogant or rhetorical perspective, like the answer is supposed to be obvious. I'm honestly asking.

It's probably not that simple, now that I think about it. Nothing ever is. There probably isn't an all-encompassing reason to get into a relationship that applies to everybody. Some people probably do it because it makes them happier. Some do it because they're codependant and can't function otherwise. Some do it because they're scared of being alone. Some do it for money. Some do it for sex. Some do it because they can't think of anything better to do.

I don't really have too much to say about any of those people. The ones (or at least, one) I can talk about is the person who doesn't want - or is at least reluctant to get - into a relationship and also has unresolved issues with themself.

I can't make much claim to any significant empirical experience in this area. But I'm also going to stop whining about it and blaming other people. In saying "the right girl hasn't come along" for such a long time, I've been copping out hard-core and lying to myself too, I think. I have no idea whether the right girl has come along at some point or not. I do know that even if she did, I chose not to act on it. The fact of the matter is I'm fucking scared of this shit.

Over the years, I've gradually determined that it was easier to make friends and keep relationships (no, not "relationships") stable if I didn't... rock the boat, so to speak. I became a very introverted individual. My problems were only mine, nobody else's. I've gotten extremely good at dealing with stuff on my own. I mean, if I can get by without bringing other people down or adding to their problems, so much the better, right? I'm an excellent person to be semi-close friends with. I'm completely willing to help other people - in fact, I like to do that a lot. But I rarely request aid from others, and I never do on big stuff. I'm a very low-maintenance friend, so to speak. (and there are arguments to be made against this, I know. I've made them to myself a number of times, but have yet to sway my opinion as to the best course of action)

This introversion is multiplied about a billion times when I start thinking about taking the step beyond "just friends." See, the whole reason that I developed this neurosis (it's a fun one, tho!) is that I didn't like how people were reacting to who I "really was" or put in a different way, how I reacted to things naturally, without thinking about it first. I don't do that much anymore. I used to have to consciously repress what I felt, but now it's pretty much a reaction. But anyway, this 'fear of being known' that I've got going is not real conducive towards throwing oneself headlong into a "relationship" (air quotes again). If I'd been more outgoing, there are probably a bunch of times that I could have gotten into a "relationship." I can think of a couple of times where it didn't even matter if I was outgoing or not. Sure, I made excuses at the time, but I'm pretty sure I was just scared. Whether or not I benefitted from not having any of those relationships is really impossible to judge.

And before I get any "but oh, matt - you don't have any reason to be scared of people getting to know you" please keep in mind that you don't know me on the levels I'm worried about, so you have no basis on which to make that claim. That was entirely purposeful on my part, and the fact that you would say that means I'm succeeding. I'm a likeable individual for the most part, right? That's been my goal all along. Maybe some sacrifices are worth it...

Here's the kicker. I'm so committed to this reticence on most any aspect of my personality that I consider to be unseemly or off-putting (except the ones that I show on purpose - nobody likes a guy who tries to be too perfect) that I'm really reluctant to post this. Part of me just would rather not deal with the possible fallout, and of course there's that part that wants everything to think I don't have this problem. But there's another part - apparently a bigger part - that just thinks "Fuck it." So I'm going to post this and give you a brief glimpse at the inner workings of my mind.

I'm a pretty god-damn neurotic fuck, aren't I?

  posted by Matthew @ 1:53 AM

 
This is my last comment on the whole John Edward thing. In addition to this, there may be a larger post forthcoming this evening, on a wholly different subject. At the moment, it's still gestating in my head. I do not know if it will make it to fruition. Anyway...

Here's the deal. If I stopped being so frustrated with what John Edward was doing and stopped caring that it's a horrible thing he does and gave up the principles that made me so vehemently opposed to this, I'd start selling real estate in heaven. And you know what? There are people that would buy it. I bet I could make a pretty good living that way. I bet that I could even - eventually - convince myself that selling real estate in heaven isn't that horrible a way to make money. I mean, I'd be making people feel better, giving them hope and peace of mind. And no one could prove that I wasn't really selling real estate in heaven through some kind of special I've got to the man upstairs. Maybe I could even somehow convince myself that I'm actually selling something that's real, at least in a sense. The human ability to act under cognitive dissonance is really astonishing.

I bring this example up partly as a joke, but more so as a somewhat humorous yet still relevant example of similar behavior, at least the way I see it. Selling real estate in heaven is shitty, right? No better than indulgences were in the past. That's what I think of John Edward.

And so, I reiterate. John Edward is the biggest douche in the universe.
Okay, I'm done.

  posted by Matthew @ 6:00 PM

 
As I promised earlier, pictures.

And before anyone else makes the comment, I know that you could make a perverted double meaning joke about the picture I titled "What a pair" but I honestly didn't think of it until after I had named it. Of course, it makes sense either way. One is dirty, but that isn't the one I had intended. Really!

You don't believe me, do you?

  posted by Matthew @ 1:15 AM

 
Interesting Observation the first: I just put an oven-baked pizza in the oven and - while waiting for it to cook - I put a hot dog in the microwave. With the current state of my dietary intake, I think the odds are pretty good that I will expire before the "meat" in my hot dog.

Observation the second: Have you ever realized that you have no idea what underwear you're wearing? That happened to me today. In the middle of class, it suddenly occurred to me (yes, it's a very boring class) that I did not recall which pair of underwear I had donned that morning.

I certainly hope those two things aren't connected.

  posted by Matthew @ 8:40 PM

 
I have just returned from the Collins Halloween dance, where I won the "Best Eyebrows" award in the costume contest for my Groucho Marx costume. Pictures, which I'm hopefully getting developed tomorrow, are forthcoming.

  posted by Matthew @ 1:08 AM